Life

You know how life throws curve balls at you and you really aren't ready for them...

I had a curve ball thrown at me this month.   You see, I knew that it was coming up...people has asked me when it was and had teased and poked fun and all that good stuff....but I hadn't really paid attention to when it was.  Days just seem to fly by anymore...I really go weeks without knowing the date, or knowing what day it is...Oh I know when Friday gets here because I have to write paychecks for our employees in our business...then I know the rest of the weekend what day it is and I know when Monday comes around....but the rest of the week is a blur until Friday.  But as far as what date it is....I hardly ever know...the computer automatically enters it into the paychecks....and as for writing checks for bills, I just write the last known date to me....I know, not real good huh.....

   But this curve ball was a bad one....Jack was patiently waiting on this one...he couldn't wait to buy me black balloons and flowers and call me OLD ....you see, on May 2nd I turned 30....not OLD, but it was so much fun for Jack to tease me about it.......he had been waiting for two years for this one....and even more especially since he made me a Grandma before I was 30...That was one of his favorite jibes at me..."Your the world's youngest grandma..." lol.    But you see, this year, the one he was waiting on, was my first birthday without my son.......and a week later was the first Mother's day without him.   Two hits in one week.....was just too much...

I got depressed, I bawled, I didn't make the kids do school, I didn't hardly cook.  We spent a lot of time on the road with Daddy and we went to my parents for Mother's day...I just couldn't take being here without him.  

Everyone told us that the first holiday's would be hard...his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the anniversary of his death....but no one warned us about our birthday's or Mother's Day, or Father's Day....or his son's first Birthday which is coming up in July.    I think God was preparing us for Thanksgiving and Christmas...because the last year that Jack was alive, him and Amber decided to spend their first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a married couple at their house  and start their own traditions...which was fine with us.  I really believe God did that not only to give them time, but to make it somewhat easier on us this past year because we had the experience of not having him here the year before...yeah we missed him....

But my birthday, he was always here....and Mother's Day, he always split between his mom and I....and last year, him and Amber brought me the sweetest card and a single red rose....and ate lunch with us.   So this year with a major birthday and mother's day both being within the same week....was not something I was expecting...It hit hard.  


But life goes on....and we are trying to get back on track this week.  It is hard living everyday without his smiling face, and it is hard to think that I won't ever hear that laugh again....or the "Man.. your old"  but I can hear it and see that smile in my mind....  There are times when I wonder how life could possibly go on.....and then I look around and see my three precious wonderful babies...and I know it has too....

Cryssi